On the car ride home from (the worst day at) work, I was thinking about how much I have changed in the 2 short years of being at college. I was mostly thinking about how self conscious I was in highschool. Then it went to my blog ‘Facing your insecurities’. I never actually talked about what to do when you face them. I just said you will. And I don’t need to write that, its obvious.
When I finally confronted the fact that I didn’t like who I was, I tried to figure out the reasons why. I mean, you can’t just feel something without some sort of reasoning.. ya know? So I went through all my ‘stuff’. I figured out a couple things.. I always thought that I was supposed to be perfect to be loved. So I tried to be. I had to be perfect. Thats what people expected out of me and thats what I had to be. Freshmen year (of college) I took a psychology class and took a test. It said that I had the most points for being eccentric, but I was also had the most points for having low self esteem. I couldn’t figure out why but this guy said one thing that has stuck with me. ‘Maybe your just putting up a front to seem confident when your really just a scared little girl.’ He was trying to be funny, but he was right. Inside this big fun exterior, there is actually just a little scared girl who doesn’t want to be hurt. So what do we do with this? How do you stop being fake and let people know who you actually are without being afraid of ridicule? I don’t know. (which sucks, I know) But I think its one of those things that you will never totally get rid of. We have fallen from perfection and so are unable to attain it any more. But to see the wonderful creation God created me to be, I did the only logical thing. I looked for verses in the bible that talked about how God knows what he is doing and how he created us in HIS image and so we cant be ‘wrong’. Then I posted these verses all around me so I would have to look at them. Then everytime I would start to feel like I wasn’t good enough, I would read the verses. It helped me tons. I encourage you to do the same thing. I can’t guarantee that it will work, all I know is that it helped me. 😀