Taking off the mask.

Day 54!

I have been thinking A LOT about super heros. VBS is coming up and our theme is Being a Hero for God. And surprise surprise, I am incharge. So as I was working on costumes for the cast and helpers I was going through my notes. I came across my sermon notes from last sunday when (pastor) John was talking about the masks we wear. We all have masks. I know I do. I mask my insecurties with false confidence. I try to make myself look better then I feel. My mask is almost perfect. It should be, I’ve been working on it long enough. But then I heard a Taylor Swift song and it said exactly what I felt. (Its crazy how songs can do that). Heres what hits me.

It seems the only one who doesn’t see your beauty is the face in the mirror looking back at you. Your walking around here thinking your not pretty. But thats not true, cuz I know you.

Hold on, baby your losing it. The waters high, your jumping into and letting go. And noone knows that you cry but you don’t tell anyone. You might not be the golden one. And your tied together with a smile but your coming undone.

This was it. I had me hiding behind a mask and that mask ALWAYS smiled. I got frustrated when people were acting like nothing was wrong and I was fighting for anything, but noone could see my struggle. I was behind a mask of ‘everything is okay for me, I have it all together’. The worst part was, people bought it. So I thought the mask was good. But its not. I am

someone and I have feeling and I don’t care what I sound like when Im speaking the truth. I’m taking the mask off. Its hard and it sucks and I don’t even know whats behind it.. But im doing it. It would be a lie to say that I don’t care what people think. I do. I am a woman who is so scared of what people think that I actually start to let them have control. I watch as they put the mask on me. I don’t even try to stop them. NO MORE!

I will take off the harden mask of ‘I don’t care.’ I am a woman and one of the greatest things about women is their capaticty to love others. How can I love others if I don’t truely love myself? So its gone. Not totally.. The remains of the mask I won’t be able to take off myself. Thats what God does. He can only transform you in the person you are supposed to be when he has molded you from the person you thought you had to be.

Dear heavenly Father, this is hard. I admit that I am scared. I have hidden the real Tara for so long and I don’t know what she will turn out to be. God, in this time, please let me feel your presence. I will try to pull back the hardness that covers my heart and find love and compassion. I know this is something I have to go through. Lord, thank you for giving me the Esther Challenge for the changing of who I am. God, I love you. It is in your sons name I pray, Amen.

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