Oh Sarah..

Day 57.

I was reading Genesis today. It is a crazy book of creation and lies and jealousy and murder and floods and depressing things. But I found Love. In fact, the very first time love is even mentioned in the Bible is Genesis 20:13. Abraham is talking to a king (whom he has just lied to, about Sarah) and says ‘I said to her, ‘This is how you can show your love to me: Everywhere we go, say of me, “He is my brother.”‘ Classy. The very first time love is spoken of using the word, it is to convience a woman to do something she doesn’t want to. It sounds like the whole ‘if you love me you’ll do this’ scheme. But now we know where it comes from. Thank you Abraham. So how do we get past that? I mean, I am sure that Abraham knew that Sarah loved him. I mean, she got jealous over Hagar bearing him a son and being his wife. If sending your husbands other wife far away isn’t love, then I dont know what is.  (heavy sarcasm) I would love to be Sarah’s friend to hear her side of the story. I bet it would be like this.

So the other day, I walked into the house one day and found my husband talking to a visitor who turned out to be God. Now, hunny, I am very old. Way to old to be having a child. But God said that he would come back in a year and I would be pregnant. It was all I could do not to laugh out loud. But you know me. I snorted! And he heard me!! I thought he didn’t. I tried to play it off, but he just stood there saying ‘Is there anything that the Lord can’t do.’ Well no.. thanks. Now I feel stupid. Later on in the week we went to do some traveling, Abrahams idea, and we stop in the middle of the road, not really anywhere that you could name and he looked me straight in the eye. You know that look? Well, it wasn’t THAT look, but it was a look. He said ‘Sarah, you are so beautiful-‘ Isn’t that sweet of him? He can just put butterflies in a girls stomach.. But wait for the rest. ‘Sarah, you are so beautiful, and surely the king will notice. He will try to take you from me and marry you and kill me.’ Right there I slightly freaked. We were going to a place where the king wanted to kill my husband! ‘TURN THE CAMEL AROUND!’ Thats what I shouted in my head.. because then he said this little nugget ‘If you love me, then you will say that I am your brother.’ What can I say to that? Nah, no thanks.. I didn’t really like you all that much. No. I love him, and he is my lord, and so I did what he said. It got kinda bad.

Thats how her story goes in my head. She’s one of my favorite people. But I don’t know how that happens.. I don’t know how to let someone know ‘Yes I love you, but no I’m not doing that.’ I remember a guy used that line on me to try to get me to do something that WAS NOT going to happen. Hes’s gone now and I have to live with the idea that I did the right thing.

Dear Lord, I have no idea how to ask for what I need. How can I ask for more wisdom about these situations. Can I ask to never be put in the hands of guys like Abraham, but he was a great man who just made mistakes. I really don’t know how to deal with it. Just show me the light of this oddness. Lord, I love you. Amen.

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