A First.

Day 74.

My Grandmothers sister died a couple days ago and today was the of her viewing. I have never been around dead people or even gone to a funeral before so I was totally unsure about how it worked. I knew only 2 things going in: 1)Wear black. Black is for mourning and if you wear bright colors people will get offended and 2)everyone will be sad and crying. When I walked in I saw my grandma (who almost didn’t recognize me) talking to 2 older women who I didn’t know. Then I looked further in the room and saw it. A long casket covered in pink cloths and a blond pale women’s face poking out. I was slightly freaked out, I mean no one told me that this was going to be an open casket, though I guess that’s what a ‘viewing’ means. So since I had actually never met the woman of whom all these people were gathered, I decided that it would be okay if I didn’t go to see the body. Instead, I watched her loved ones. It felt like I had been in one of those social halls that just happen to be in every Jane Austen novel. Everyone was talking, sharing fake smiles, becoming better acquainted. There seemed to be a pull though. Everyone’s eyes seemed to shy away from the coffin at the end of the room. I am not a perceptive person, I never really have been but I tried to see past their faces to read their stories. I was trying to see what they were feeling and the reasoning behind those feelings. I was almost completely unsuccessful. Its almost disheartening to say (write) that. I mean, I was really trying, but I wasn’t getting ANYWHERE. I always wished to be perceptive, but I guess I am doomed to live in my own little selfish world where the people who are around me don’t matter unless they have something to do with me. This thought is a totally depressing one. How can I be so bad at reading people!? Its almost frustrating enough to scream. So, I am taking this week of my vacation to try to become more perceptive to the people around me. I will start small, with my family, and work my way out. I think that God wants us to be perceptive, though I have no verse in Scripture to back up that claim. But, a God who knows all about us I can only assume would want us to know about each other.

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