From that dark place.

January 26th.

Every once in a while you get those horrible days where nothing seems to go right. Today was one of those days. I seem to have lost complete control of everything and from what I know of God, he should take control when I don’t. But he hasn’t.. so it feels. Its absolutely horrible. I mean, now that I am commuting to school, its like my whole life is miles away. I don’t seem to be able to find a spot for me in the town I grew up in. I know this is just me whining, but I might have a right to feel the way I do. I am sure no one is reading this (especially since I have let it go for so long without writing) but I need a creative way to express myself, and words seem to be the way to do it. I don’t know how people do so much stuff. Its like being stretched in 16 different directions, and expecting to stay the you that you are. I don’t know if this is even making sense, but its all there.

I really want to be with my friends at school, but when I am there its like they are all to busy for me. I desperately just want someone to hang out with, but the world seems to be to busy for real bonding to happen anymore. It makes me long for a simpler time (preferably the 1800’s) when people lived miles away but always spent time with the people who mattered. They would spend days or weeks at one another houses, which is the reasoning for having large houses with many rooms. But now, people are to busy to be more then slight acquaintances. The change is depressing. Though technology is great and makes life easier, we cannot expect to lose somethings while gaining other. For example, we lost our ability to memorize great lengthy stories when books came out. It’s completely naive of me, but I just wish life could be simple again. We worshiped God and loved our neighbors. How did this get so distorted?

God, please help me find you in my friends, but let me seek you when I am lonely. Lord, you said you would never leave me of forsake me, but I need a friend in the times when all others leave me. Protect my heart and help me fight off the idea that no one wants to be around me because I am not good enough. Father, I need you in my life. Always be with me. I love you, show your love to me. It is in your Sons name I pray, Amen.

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3 thoughts on “From that dark place.

  1. Been there…am there, precious friend. I had a rotten day, too…makes loneliness feel like a weighted blanket, huh? I have learned that sometimes God takes us through seasons of emptiness so we will learn to fill ourselves with Him. Hard, painful lesson but so worth learning. Love you!!

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