I am the last one who would ever say that I knew anything about guys, but over the past week I have been trying to figure out the ‘heart’ of the other half to our world. There is a book that a mentor gave me my freshmen year of college called “Captivating”. It challenged girls to see where their hearts were and find out if we were seeking out after God and where our insecurities come from. In the book, Stasi and John Eldrege (the authors) say that in every girls heart there is a fundamental question that we are asking. ‘Am I lovely? Am I captivating? Am I worth it?’
John wrote a book before Captivating called ‘Wild at Heart‘, and it is basically the guys version. I wanted to see what kind of things were in it, so going the shop-a-holic route, I bought it. I have been learning more about boys and guys and men then I can even begin to talk about. And because man was created in God’s image, I am learning more about God.
One of the most important things that I have learned (that I think a lot of women should know but might not) is that their fundamental question is “Am I a man”. This question seemed silly to me until I started seeing how often I emasculate guys. For one thing, I have been known to refer to SEU as an all girl’s school. But I (along with others) have a nonrealistic idea of what it means to be a man. I knew that I wanted to be thought of a princess sort of, but I always wanted a hero in my story. But the thing is, guys want to be the HERO. Thats why boys do ‘stupid’ things when they are together. They have to prove that they can be a hero. They long to go on an adventure and be tested to see if they can make it, if they have what it takes to be the hero, to save the beauty.
I have been obsessed with Shrek the Musical for about 3 weeks straight now, and my favorite song is one that Shrek sings (and Fiona and Donkey join in). Before the song Donkey asks Shrek what he would be if he could be anything. His answer? He would be the hero. He says:
I guess I’d be a hero, with sword and armor clashing.
Looking semi dashing, a shield within my grip.
Or I could be a Viking, and live a life of daring
While smelling like a herring upon a Viking ship.
I’d reach the farthest reaches…
I’d be a hero. And If my wish were granted
life would be enchanted, or so the stories say.
Of course I’d be a hero, and I would scale and tower
to save a hot house flower, and carry her away.
But standing guard would be a beast,
I’d somehow overwhelm it.
I’d get the girl, I’d take a breath and I’d remove my helmet.
We’d stand and stare, we’d speak of love.
We’d share a kiss, I’d find my destiny…
A big bright beautiful world, but not for me.
This song says it all! Even the ending. That one line defines the reason that there are not 2048572956924 Men running around the world. They have been wounded, but a father who wouldn’t teach them what being a man meant, by a mother who smothered him (her baby boy), and friends who would question some activities.
There is a huge fear of failure that every guy deals with. John says “Adam dropped the ball and was ashamed to even be himself in front of God. Guys have been dealing with the same thing ever since.”
I can feel myself changing while reading this book. I want to go up to guys and let them know all of this, but that’s not my place. Another thing I am learning. If a guy comes to a beauty (as John puts it)(which I LOVE) then it will turn into an obsession. I hope that guys everywhere will read this book and talk to each other about it. But also God. He is the one who can tell them that they are men. They have enough, they are enough.
Because the lie is ‘
Time heals all wounds‘, but really, time just gives us time to cover our wounds. They never get better if you ignore them, it just ruins you from the inside.