Waiting not so patiently

Four years ago, I was pretty positive I knew what I was doing with my life. I had just been accepted to a brilliant university and I was going to study theatre. I had even gotten a pretty substantial scholarship. I knew what I wanted, and I knew what God wanted me to do.

Its amazing what four years will do to you.Google_Everywhere

Today I am wildly aware of everything I don’t know. It is thrown at me with such a force that the only thing I can do is hope someone has put ‘whatever the mystery is’ on Google. But as much as I try to Google ‘what should I do with my life’ and ‘what is God’s plan for me’ (and trust me, I have), there is no clear answer there.

Besides that, this whole ‘wait patiently’ thing sucks. A lot. What does waiting even mean? Webster was about as much help as a cookie in figuring it out. It just said ‘to stay in the place of expectation’. Isn’t that where we all are? Expecting something to happen.

  • Expecting a prince to ride into our life.
  • Expecting to go on an adventure
  • Expecting God to speak audibly to you
  • Expecting to finally know how to cook
  • Expecting for your dreams to come true
  • Expecting for a job to come
  • Expecting to start having real dreams

We all have expectations that we put on our lives. I know that I expect God to move every day in my life. Some people have told me that the very idea is sacrilegious. I think the idea that God is not moving in our lives daily is sacrilegious. But what happens when we don’t see it? I think that is the real fear. How many of us would doubt that God existed if we had to wrestle with him (physically like Jacob in Genesis 32) all night? How could we if the God of the Old Testament was still showing up today in a Cone of smoke, leading us to where we are supposed to go.

I know that would help me. I can barely make it around my town without getting lost, let alone making it through life without some sort of guidance. But we don’t trust the one giving directions. Just like you feel you don’t need GPS to tell you how to get around the neighborhood that you grew up in, we assume that we don’t need Gods guidance in this life because we recognize it. We can see whats coming.  “I have traveled this road before and I know how to navigate it. I can figure it out on my own.”

So instead of figuring it out without God, we decide to wait on God.

Isaiah 40:31

“But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint”

Seriously? As poetic and beautiful as this may be, I do not feel it. And I have started running. I love running, but after about 15 minutes, I am dying. Sweat is dripping down my face, I am completely red, and I’m pretty positive that I am wheezing more than wheezy.. wheezy_toystory

These are the moments attractive guys would show up jogging past me, while I lie on the ground wondering when the world started spinning so fast.

But the idea of running and not becoming weary, I do not get that. At all. And walk without fainting? I would love to see that happen to those who are clumsy.

But there is the truth. If you are waiting  for the Lord, He will not leave you hanging. The strength you get from waiting for someone who is stronger than you is surprisingly easier than waiting on something that seems worthless.

There is something that people say, to those who are waiting. I am not sure who said it, or even if I completely agree, but how often do we say things that we don’t agree with anyway. They say “You can measure how much something is worth to you, by the amount of time you spend waiting for it.” Interesting, isn’t it? I would imagine that Gods will for my life is probably something that is worth so much more than I can express. But the idea that I spend my whole life waiting for it, and never actually experience it.. that is terrifying.

Mark Batterson, author of “The Circle Maker” talks about the idea of you waiting by the river waiting for God to separate the waters and make a dry spot for you to walk through. All the while God is waiting for you to take the first step into the water, and with that He will move waters and mountains. It just takes one step. The first step. The ‘leap of faith’.

toystory3People talk about the ‘leap of faith’ all the time. But what does that actually mean? It seems to be weird and dumb. Calculations make sense. There is always one clear answer and if you didn’t get the correct answer, then you must have done something wrong. But I don’t know if God is a god of only calculations. Sometimes you just have to trust what he says, and go with it.  Hebrew 11:6 says

“And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.”

It seems far to easy. To have faith and wait for God. So why is it so difficult? If I knew, I would write a book and make millions. But I don’t. So here I am, actively waiting for God to show up. And expecting him to move in ways that I can’t imagine. Because, I can’t think of a better way to wait for the Lord then doing the work he has put in front of me until he moves me somewhere else.


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