“It is not good for man to be alone.”
This sentence repeated in my head as I walked up the three flights of stairs that it takes to get to my one bedroom apartment. My boot’s click echo off the concrete hallway as I walk to an empty room. And all I can hear in my head is “It is not good for man to be alone.”
Most of the time I enjoy living alone. I have my own space and whatever mess is around is my own and I can clean when I feel like it. But tonight it just seems a little daunting. So daunting that I almost knocked on downstairs Dave’s door for some company. But the idea of sitting in a room with the smell of moldy weed and conversation that would consist of what a date would look like if I partook in one with him or his friends was not quite so appealing.
Heres what actually doesn’t make sense.
Today was a great day. I spent it surrounded with people I love going for a race and then going to work at a church that I love and tons of people I am really starting to enjoy.
But the moment I am away from all that this horrible sinking feeling creeps in. And it whispers lies like:
You’ll always be alone
You’re always alone
Its because no one wants to be with you.
I know that these are lies because I serve an incredible God who knows that its not good for man to be alone. In the very beginning God is creating everything.
- Light? Good.
- Stars? Good.
- Animals? Good.
- Man? Very good.
But then something happens. After God tells home boy some of the rules he notices something.
Adam’s got no one around him except God. Its just him and God and sometimes I think thats all I need. No need for people to be around me. I got this. God is with me, what can’t we do! And all that other nonsense. But that’s not how God operates. He sees Adam with him. Its just the two of them.
And God says something that he's never said before.
In Genesis 2:18 God says “It is not good for man to be alone, I will make him a helper fit for him.”
Boom! God shows up and provides.
Adam gets Eve, and God gets them both. Its a beautiful love story of God telling Adam “Thats your woman. She’s got a piece of your rib inside of her. Enjoy spending the rest of your life figuring her out.”
[that took a turn I wasn't expecting.. go with it]
But as I sit on my couch typing this, Im wondering why I feel so alone. I know I have amazing friends, and I have ministries that I could be pouring into. My life on paper is wonderful. Amazing even.
So, why am I typing that I am lonely for the empty airspace of the internet when I could be spending my valuable and ever decreasing time with friends and loved ones.
I guess if I knew, I wouldn’t be writing. So what do you do when the phone doesn’t seem to connect you to people any more? When you hear the resounding “it is not good” but you don’t know how to change it.
As awkward as it is to end a blog post like this..
I don't know.